I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
