when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
