he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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