You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
