It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
