New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
