I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
