She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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