Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
