you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
