She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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