she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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