he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
