I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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