Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
