It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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