I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
