You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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