Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
