Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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