can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
