Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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