we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
