he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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