If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
