I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
