I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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