I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
