I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
