Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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