You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
