I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.