I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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