what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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