I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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