Need sex. Gaining weight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
