You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
