Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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