Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
