I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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