hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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