You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
