I wish I could punch you in the face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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