The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
