Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
