sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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