We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
