I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
