Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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