Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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