So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
