Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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