i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
