We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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