how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
