Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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