dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
