I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
