maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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