bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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