you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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