my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
