Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
