Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
