Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
