Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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