I hate all girls vehemently.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
