I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
