Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
