Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
